White-Winged Fever

fact by - myersandbriggs [original post]

after i watch a documentary or something, perhaps.

sans alcohol

in other news my room is full of clothes and trash and i really need to clean it and then find a way to store it because ive got so many thingsss just around the house that should be put up, like my LOTR swords, though those may go on the wall in the hallway.

anyway i may do that. not exactly wanting to spend another whole day on netflix and alcohol. (it’s not as fun when you’re alone)

i just cannot relate to the way most people react to having to make a change in their behavior or character, because the moment i truly understand why ive acted the way i have and decide that i dont want to be that person anymore, i refuse to purposefully waste another SECOND of my life making the same mistakes over and over or be at fault for the same reasons. granted sometimes i need a little time to myself to evaluate things and figure out how to do better next time, but for FUCKS SAKE some people spend YEARS or their ENTIRE LIFETIME in fucking denial about their flaws and literally destroy everything around them because they are too scared to change.

fuck that’s no way to live. FUCK !!


I smell trouble brewing

Wow almost decided to go for a walk in the middle of the night but luckily laziness prevailed

At heart, I have always been a coper, I’ve mostly been able to walk around with my wounds safely hidden, and I’ve always stored up my deep depressive episodes for the weeks off when there was time to have an abbreviated version of a complete breakdown. But in the end, I’d be able to get up and on with it, could always do what little must be done to scratch by.
 Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation (via wholelottaquotes)
I want to explain how exhausted I am. Even in my dreams. How I wake up tired. How I’m being drowned by some kind of black wave.
Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation (via feellng)

and after a few glasses this franzia starts to resemble vinegar in my throat

damn christina ricci and her perfect tits (breasts)
Everything ok?

i have both the best and the worst of both of my parents in me, and their parents before them

sometimes its hard to tell whether something is wrong because of me or because they are fucked and have been fucked for generations and its leaked down to me and i wasnt prepared and dont know how to handle it

and then theres this

void sometimes …

and typing SHIT out reads out so cliche and boring. yuck. i wish things werent different.

something feels wrong

im pretty proud of having no vices/addictions (though i do drink) ive never felt comfortable downing pills or whatever when im upset

maybe its loving you that gets me high and when i dont have that … something feels wrong